3 Years Sober
Holiday Season Edition
My 4th Holiday Season without alcohol
Wow… I’m fully present, sitting on the edge of my seat to celebrate Christ’s birth. I am full of wonder that “astrologers from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem— having seen a star in the sky that led to a 2 year journey to find and worship him.” (Matthew 2:1-2)
Because I am not as tuned in as the three wise men were, it took me a decade of stumbling around life before I peeled back enough layers, and went down enough rabbit holes to reveal how close I had been to God’s miracle all along.
In my last post (see Oct. 21 & 24 entries) I promised that I would share how Yoga and my prayer practice led to my walking away from alcohol.
The Yoga? Ah… the surprise of ancient wisdom in my modern life :)
The prayer? Transforming my “yes” into “YES!”
It’s not the purpose of this essay to explore how or when we humans get caught up in the utter ridiculous confusion of this life, but you know what I mean, right? At some point(s) we have a glimpse that we have gotten swept up, or swept to the side, or stuck, or struck, or somehow completely scattered. Somewhere along the way we find ourselves so far from the lit path the we can’t see our way back to ourselves.
This is the sweet mystery. When we are out of sorts, drifted off, desperate to feel whole a clearing appears, and we have to trust it was designed for us.
God knew where he could meet me. Yoga! He showed me when I was 14 years old, pressing toward independence; that’s when I first read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. He showed me again when I was 21 years old and I took my first meditation class after being diagnosed with a panic attack. He showed me yet again when I was a 33 year old: the mother of three kids, exhausted, isolated; that’s when I started taking Yoga at a local church (we practiced rhythmic Sun Salutations while praying the Our Father).
Did I notice the connection? Ha - of course not!
But then in my forties, since I wasn’t catching on to the subtle hints, God started amplifying the message. Literally. A microphone, a speaker, and the voice of a stranger who would then go on (years later) to be my first Yoga teacher, Krystal. The way she broke down the wisdom of Yoga resonated with me on a soul level. During one of the early days of learning the building blocks of Yoga, I had a glorious, body tingling, experience as I turned the page to read the words “Īśvara praṇidhāna”. In Sanskrit, this translates to “surrender to God”. The words lifted off the page and my body felt alive with sparks of energy.
Wait, what? What just happened?
Memories of learning about this phenomenon came flooding in. I had heard that it was possible to experience floating words when I was first introduced to the meditative practice of Lectio Divina or “divine reading”. It is a Catholic practice of reading holy scripture slowly and contemplatively, constantly listening for that word that God has prepared for you. I had been attempting it for years, and because I wasn’t good at listening, or observing, or trusting, I hadn’t had the experience of understanding what I was reading.
Yoga changed all that. And this is where, for me, the miracle occurred. Yoga has taught, and continues to teach me how to listen, how to observe, and how to trust. Yoga studies include introductions to revered scripture, sacred texts, and foundational philosophy that opened my eyes. Now I have found my current teacher, Prasad, who slowly, patiently, carefully explains how to move through these texts, relay them back to the context of time, and sit with their wisdom for clarity.
As per his assignment for me, I started to return to the New Testament and apply all my new skills in listening and contemplating. And finally, the Word of God started to jump off the pages of the book. Yes, the one that has been waiting for me on my nightstand for five decades.
"Even with 50 + years under my belt as a Catholic and a sincere devotion to the Trinity, it took my Sādhanā as a yoga student to finally learn how to pray to God.”
With new eyes and ears that could finally hear (more on that in the next post), I came to understand that the answers to prayers is always “YES” on one condition: that there is spontaneous and wholehearted faith. “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘YES,’ and your ‘no’ be ‘NO’. Your word is enough. Whatever is more than these is [just distraction] from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:37)
I had been practicing this in Yoga, and now finally understanding it in Christ. That partially committing is a sin. That aiming, even just a millimeter from the target is suffering. That wishing for what you think will help might just be a perpetuation of your patterns, and that prayer is a vulnerable laying down of all control, and contrived solutions.
The peak pose of prayer though? Want to know what that is? Complete faith that God will return a ‘YES’ to your prayer when it is rooted in a desire for Him and there is no doubt in His power and love for you.
A woman who had been sick for twelve years with internal bleeding came up behind him and touched a tassel of his robe, for she thought, “If I only touch him, I will be healed.” Jesus turned around and spoke to her. “Daughter,” he said, “all is well! Your faith has healed you”. And that woman was well from that moment. Matthew 9:20-22
And for you Yoga students in particular, read again Luke’s Gospel…
“Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” When the woman realized that Jesus knew, she began to tremble and fell to her knees before him and told why she had touched him and now the tshe was well. “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith hs healed you. Go in peace.” Luke 8:46-48
Practice»»»
Reread the passages again right now, then tomorrow, then next week. In the contemplative tradition of Lectio Divina, we read through the scripture four times
Read the whole passage slowly. Watch for key phrases that catch your attention and hold special meaning for you.
Read the whole passage again. Allow the special word or phrase soak your heart.
Read it a 3rd time prayerfully to God as if to thread those words towards Him.
Rest in God. Be still and listen. This is meditation. Allow God’s loving spirit in.
Now, listen, this is important for me to say. From the time I prayed way back in 2014 to the day I quit drinking in 2022, I took full advantage of FREE WILL to make a mess of some things in my life. God generously allowed me to fall on my face, multiple times, and I had to get to the point where I was as desperate and shattered as the woman in the aforementioned gospels.
I had to fall on my knees and reach for Him and say, without doubt, “YES”.
Thank you for reading. I wish you all Happy Holidays, and if you celebrate Christmas, a slow and savored one that is aligned with the miracle of the season.
If you are just starting to read my story, please go back to the original post(s) dated Oct. 21 & 24, 2025 I will be sharing the totality of this story in a continuum.
More to come…